The late Larry Norman, who made Christian rock a viable genre and is often played on my Cephas Hour podcast, had a song titled “A Woman of God.” In concert, he at least once introduced it with this commentary.
If you’re 18 years old, and you’re in love, and it’s the real thing, and you want to get married … I suggest you wait until you’re 19. Because sometimes, you don’t know who you’re in love with because you don’t even know who you are. Takes a while to find out what you want, where you’re going, who you are. But don’t be in any rush to drag somebody else along with you.
The song came to mind the other day when this crossed the social media wires.
Setting aside the person involved, one does wonder what thought process — or, more accurately, lack thereof — went into making such a statement.
Certainly, if someone’s goal is to have a large family, marrying young is highly recommended, if not mandatory. In addition to increased health risks for both mother and child, if the mother is 35 or older, there is the sober reality that the parent and child will have many fewer years together on this earth. While no one knows the exact measure of time he or she has on this planet, the law of averages seldom accepts being cheated on without consequence.
That said, the most disturbing aspect of Kirk’s statement is its grotesque simultaneous overestimate of physical appearance’s role in a relationship, underestimate of the age of beauty’s range, and complete miss of how the wisdom gained solely via experience (i.e., living, plays an impossible to overstate importance in every individual’s attractiveness). It also smacks of cartoonish chauvinism.
Rare is the individual who, during their dating days, does not entertain fantasies of whichever Hollywood or pop culture star strikes their fancy somehow magically walking into their life. Most realize this shall forever remain in dreamland’s realm and adjust their sights to a more realistic level. Regrettably, some waste years, if not their entire life, refusing to “settle” as they wait for Prince Charming or a refined lady on the streets who is an utter freak in the sheets.
The notion that perhaps they are aiming out of their league never crosses their mind until the day they wake up alone as always, realizing they have wasted their time either pursuing or waiting for someone who doesn’t exist.
The notion that if you remain ringless once you’ve hit the thirty-somethings, you might as well pack it in as you’re no longer in cream of the crop territory has no roots in reality. Looks do not mysteriously disappear overnight. Many women grow more beautiful by the year without plastic surgery. Only a fool thinks otherwise.
Boys date from the neck on down; men marry from the neck on up. True beauty is not based solely on physical attributes. A heart for God and a mind seeking knowledge, one sharpened by experience, are far more important. Remember that a long-term relationship is always a case of stepping out in faith. Will you and your partner grow and change together, or will you grow apart? Will you both mature with time or will one become forever stuck in neutral while the other moves ahead? We don’t know. We can’t know. We’re not omnipotent seers into the future. All we can do is take it by faith.
Finally, guys, let’s be honest. You say she’s no Scarlett Johansson? Probably true. You and I are no Chris Pratt either. Ladies, the same goes for you. He’s no Hollywood hunk? Okay, but neither are you a Hollywood hottie, although you’re probably far better looking than you think you are. Work with how the good Lord made you and what your parents gave you. Take care of yourself. Eat better. Exercise. Spend time with the Lord. Seek out quality information concerning the world and world events. These are the things someone worthy of standing alongside for life pursue.
Neither Prince Charming nor Princess Hotto of Trot is going to knock on your door. Be realistic and as a result kind to others, as we are all in the same boat. Neither love nor beauty have an expiration date, nor are they solely possessions of the young. Seek the One True Love first, regardless of your age. Only then will everything else fall into place.
