AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta

How Much Would the Regime Media Cover for Its Number One Choice, Joe Biden?

Here’s a little thought exercise about our regime media, and I have to warn you that while it is important, it’s also a bit distasteful. But a meaningful thought exercise needs to posit an extreme scenario that will force a clear and unequivocal response. So, here’s my thought exercise: What does the regime media do if Joe Biden, in a public setting around reporters and regular people, soils himself?

Again, that’s a gross hypothetical, but it makes for a useful analysis of just how far the regime media would go to prop up this dust puppet imposter. A hypothetical has to be plausible, and we’ve all seen this guy. He’s like 180 years old. We watched him at Normandy staggering about, looking like Mr. Magoo without the edge. If he controls his bladder as well as he controls his mouth, this scenario could totally happen – specially with the first debate is coming up.

So, this is our hypothetical testing just how far in the tank, or bowl, the regime media is for its preferred candidate. Reported clearly and honesty, this kind of unsavory accident would destroy what’s left of his campaign. Obviously, Joe Biden‘s advancing age is a key issue, and if he stood up in front of America and soiled himself, that would fatally reinforce his image as a doddering, crusty, geriatric. The Democrats would have to figure out a way to swap him out at or before the convention, but that would start a fight with Very Real Docter Jill and the minions who infest his administration and want to ride this Rascal Scooter as far as it will roll. There’s probably nothing else Biden could do that would make it happen – even betraying Israel to the terrorists isn’t as deadly to his chances of reelection as publicly soiling himself.

Ignore all the tangents that interfere with this hypothetical. Number one, number two, it doesn’t matter. There are assertions that he’s always swaddled in Depends when he goes out. There were a lot of rumors that this had happened before, including in front of the Pope. Let’s put all that aside. We are trying to determine how far we believe the regime media would go to cover up for Joe Biden if this elderly, senile old, degenerate, publicly soils himself.

Let’s be clear about the scenario. The White House regularly brings in groups of people to pose with the President. He typically utters a few incoherent clichés in their general direction, shakes hands to the extent he’s able to, and then shuffles out the door. The visitors, usually Democrat constituents, are thrilled to visit the alleged chief executive and too polite to gasp at his manifest decrepitude. So, what if he is standing there, babbling on about how he arm-wrestled Corn Pop into submission and was thereby able to liberate Nelson Mandela from the cannibals holding him hostage in Alcatraz, and suddenly it happens? The crowd sees it. The reporters see it. The cameras catch it. His many, many puppet masters rush to haul him off-stage and out of view, but not before it is clear that the President of the United States has publicly soiled himself.

What does the regime media do? 

Well, we know what it did with Hunter Biden’s laptop, which was undeniably true. They not only lied to us and told us it was Russian disinformation, but they got 51 former intelligence community members to lie and tell us it was Russian disinformation. And that wasn’t enough. They went further. They actively lobbied social media companies to suppress the truth. You were banned from social media if you published the fact that Hunter Biden’s laptop, that repository of perversions and vice, was actually his.

This could happen again should the President soil himself. The regime media is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the Democrat Party. Its purpose is not to bring us the truth. Its purpose is to support and elect Democrats. So, do you think the regime media would hesitate for a minute to either not tell you that the President publicly soiled himself, or to deny that the President had publicly soiled himself? Do you think they would show the photos that they had or the video? Do you think it would hesitate to try to ban the transmission of the images and the reporting by non-regime media outlets? 

Except the regime media no longer has the capacity to act as the gatekeeper of truth and could not contain reality forever. Elon Musk blew away the leftist social media monopoly on what may be spoken. Conservative outlets would be eager to reveal the icky truth. That’s why the regime media would go through its now familiar four stages of regime media reporting on inconvenient facts. 

The first stage is denial. “No, President Biden did not soil himself.” How dare you say that the President soiled himself. He spilled his lemonade. Only a mega-racist would say differently. That’s crazy talk that’s crazy. You’re all crazy liars. It’s yet another right-wing conspiracy theory and yet another right-wing lie! The experts agree – there was no pee.

The second stage, beginning when the denial lie collapses under the weight of a zillion tweets, is “Yes, he may have soiled himself, but it’s no big deal.” These things happen. He’s under a lot of stress. He can’t be held responsible for the failure of his sphincter. Everybody soils himself. Why, I’m soiling myself right now.

When that fails, the regime media will move to the third stage, which is “Yes, it happened, but the real problem is that you right-wing media ghouls are pointing it out.” How dare you point out that the President of the United States soiled himself? It’s cruel and it’s mean. How could you? You’re the worst people on earth. You Republicans are pouncing again, this time on his inability to hold it.

The fourth and final stage will be “Yes, he publicly soiled himself, and it’s a good thing that he did.” It humanizes him. Older Americans struggle with continence, and Joe Biden had the courage to soil himself publicly and destigmatize it for all our senior citizens. We should all be more willing to soil ourselves. Thank you, Joe Biden, for blazing a path against soiling shaming. 

What we wouldn’t see is the regime media explaining that bad people around the world are going to look at a President who soils himself in public and decide that America is weak and leaderless and take further advantage of us. Nor will the regime media state the obvious, that Joe Biden is manifestly too damn old to be President. Count on the regime media to stand behind him, albeit not too closely. 

Now, if we had a Vice President who wasn’t Kamala Harris, things might be a little different, and the memo might go out that it’s time for Joe Biden to head back to Delaware to his rocking chair and conveniently accessible bathroom. But we do have Kamala Harris, and the simple fact is that America would prefer a President Joe Biden who publicly soils himself to a President Kamala Harris who doesn’t. 

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the eighthvolume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel of terrorism in America, The Attack!

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